I still feel like I'm not allowed to be upset or angry, ever. No matter whether I've just been handed a plate of bullshit. If I get upset, I get punished.

Kay. So. Randomly tasting blood. That isn't supposed to happen.

I no longer doubt that I can love.

I can't tell if I love or hate the flaws of this place.

In the moments I enjoy it – the eggshell walls, the faint scent of long-stale cigarettes in the kitchen, the darkness of the front rooms – I feel like an over-privileged white prick of a hipster going on about something less pristine than he's accustomed to with words like "quaint", "charming", and "rustic".

In the moments my lip curls – the foul-tasting water, the damage on the cabinets' edges that make them look chewed and feel creepy as fuck under my fingers, the sucking chill from the windows and thin walls – I feel like a spoiled suburban brat whining about no longer living in a 2300 sqft house with a massive backyard in a safe, affluent neighbourhood.

CAN'T WIN, TOO SELF-CRITICAL \9_6/

In other news, I wish I could say that finding a human molar in my closet was the strangest thing that's happened to me, but it seems to have capped the month thus far. Thing is, that was at the previous apartment, not this one. Thought it was from one of my numerous critter skulls at first...but deer and foxes don't get root canals and porcelain fillings.

62 hours. I'm weary but not sleepy. Mostly just kind of restless and bored. This could go on, I know it. I can do longer. At least another, what, could I do another fifteen? Probably with another pair of half-hour blackouts. I'm torn between being excruciatingly curious and tremendously bored. It's all I can do not to just go find things to do: sweep the rug, wash dishes, draw/paint, re-read some novel or comic, play with the cats, bike around in the dark. Or. Yanno. Post inane bullshit whining about my self-destructive urge to pursue a better(worse?)-than-average bout of insomnia instead of just lying still for a while.

There's a certain compelling romance to it, albeit a terribly selfish one. But that's the end of it I guess. How terribly disappointing. Next time I'll do better. There's a record to re-create or break. I was too sick that time to hallucinate but maybe I would in the absence of alcohol poisoning.

'Sbeen interesting. Enjoyable. (Maybe not the few hours where I was completely out of it and on the job, that was inconvenient at best.) Should push myself like this more often.

Insomnia is a fascinating process.

Just hit 48 hours, give or take. Not an unbroken stretch. Made the mistake of two half-hour naps. Wrecked, ugh. Long period of disorientation leading up to them but I'm hitting another wind. Kind of tempted to continue pushing it. See how long I can really go. Did a week once; ever since I've wondered if I could manage to stay awake that long again. There's been an interesting lack of really strong mood swings with this bout; various shit's gotten me excited or irritated or hurt, annoyed, contemplative, etc, etc, but not overwhelmingly so. Not much in the way of jitters or stomach cramps or any of the general "omfg weird make it stop" physical symptoms I sometimes get from mild caffeine overdose, either.

Heh. Of course I type all this out, still on the clock, and just after finishing that last paragraph something work-related happens that makes me want to bitchslap a few people to kingdom come. Since when the hell do I care enough about corporate professional integrity to have that kind of reaction? –I don't, I realise. It's the fact that they lied about having completed something. That makes more sense. Goddamn I hate liars.

Welp. If nothing else I'm fully alert again. We'll see how long that lasts.

Better hope you saved it, you obsessive little leeches.

Sometimes I think I'm the most selfish person I know.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before? Got divorced! :D

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS ARE FOR SUCKERS

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Nope!

4. Did anyone close to you die? Nope!

5. What countries did you visit? None.


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Kae: So one that's a bit flamboyant is alien to me.
The Wyrm: just imagine he's like
The Wyrm: Jareth's little brother, the Goblin Prince
The Wyrm: holy shit this class/race/flight thing is fun
Kae: .... I'm missing something in that reference....
The Wyrm: ..................................................
The Wyrm: I WILL END YOU
The Wyrm: JARETH, THE GOBLIN KING
Kae: What!
Kae: Goblins don't have kings!
The Wyrm: WTF KAE
Kae: WAT
The Wyrm: LABYRINTH, OMFG
Kae: .... What's that got to with goblins, isn't that minotaurs?
The Wyrm: please tell me you're trolling me
Kae: What. o_o
( what is this i don't even )